New Blog - Going in a new direction

I'm moving to www.wanderingthehalls.wordpress.com! I'm starting the new blog with the intent of talking about being a hospital chaplain and a pastor. I'd love to see you over there! I"ll also be posting cute pictures of Janet for those of you who follow her more than me :) Blessings. RB

The Chaplain's Hands

Photo from my trip to Kenya in 2007

A while back I had knee surgery and was fortunate to have my fellow chaplains come pray for me before my surgery. Even though I'm a chaplain myself I was anxious about the procedure and was waiting alone. I really appreciated our Senior chaplain sitting and holding my hands as he prayed. It was a good reminder that I wasn't alone and that everything really was going to be okay. It's a strange feeling to be on the other side of the hospital bed, one that I hope I don't experience again any time soon. He is someone who has a been an amazing mentor to me over the past couple of months, and I have learned so much from him. This poem came from that experience. Still working on it, it doesn't feel quite right yet. I'd appreciate your honest critiques and thoughts. Hoping to give it to him as a retirement present here pretty soon. I make no claims to be a poet, but I find writing these things out helps get them out of my head :)

Blessings during this advent season.

The Chaplain’s Hands

The chaplain’s hands are big

They seem to surround my own

Assuring me that all will be well

I am not alone.

The chaplain’s hands are rough

From years of carpentry

The remind me of Jesus

Watching his dad carve silently

The chaplain’s hands are gentle

There’s softness in their touch

Which brings compassion and hope

Despite the callousness and scars

The chaplain’s hands are old

Marked with the tell-tale signs of age

I wonder how many others they’ve held

As the chaplain prayed

The chaplain’s hands are open

They do not judge

Instead they bring acceptance

And the promise of God’s love

The chaplain’s hands are helpful

They bring peace in time of doubt

A cup of water for the thirsty

And a blanket for the cold

The chaplain’s hands are storied

They’ve held newborn babes

And comforted a family in pain

As life’s last breath fades

 The chaplain’s hands are here

They seem to surround my own

Assuring me that all will be well

I am not alone.

Ministering to Motherless-Daughters and Daughterless-Mothers on Mother’s Day

Me, my Mom, Grandmom & Great-Grandmom.
(4 generations of oldest daughters)

         For many, Mother’s Day is a joyous occasion filled with breakfast-in-bed using every dish in the kitchen, homemade gifts of handprints or pasta and a special day of pampering. But for others this joy is mixed with the emptiness of loss. Many of our congregants have lost their mothers, don’t have a good relationship with their families, have lost children, or never had children of their own. Since Mother’s Day observances have grown to be norm within our churches, we need to take special note that this day is one of mixed feelings for much of our congregation. I lost my mother to cancer when I was eight years old so this is a topic near and dear to my heart. Over the years I have seen Mother's Day services done very well, and some that just contributed to the feelings of loss. Based on my limited experience,  I have come up with a couple things that I believe can help ministers (and even lay persons) to be more intentional about the way we celebrate Mother’s Day (and Father’s Day) in our church services. Feel free to comment with suggestions,  experiences, ideas or rebukes. I know this is just one person's biased perspective.

1. Realize that not everyone is celebrating. This may sound like a no-brainer, but it is easy to forget that not everyone is on the same page.
2. Try to avoid setting up motherhood as the “ideal.” Most congregations have at least one or two women that never had kids, whether by choice or not. Doing so can contribute to these women feeling alienated, and as if they are not fulfilling some sort of societal or biblical role. 
3. Avoid overly sentimental music. One year at the church I attended the offertory music was a song in which the mother died of cancer in the fourth stanza. This caught everyone off guard and stirred up some very painful memories for a lot of folks. It’s better to stick with joyful and light songs. If you must do a sentimental song, warn the congregation first.
4. Avoid giving gifts, especially during the children’s sermon. For kids who have no one to give the gift to this can be a really awkward moment. For example, my church used to have all the kids in the congregation come up and get a rose to give to their mom. My sisters and I ended up having to give ours to our Dad every year. Eventually, we just stopped going to church that Sunday. If you must give gifts, doing so by placing baskets at the exits of the worship space is perhaps a better option. This still leaves people out, but is less obvious and people can more easily choose if they want to participate.
5. Be inclusive when recognizing the mothers. I’m against making the mothers stand for special recognition, but if you must do it, be mindful of the language you use. Acknowledge that some may have mother figures other than their biological mothers. Also, it’s good to say something in memory of mothers who have passed on. One of my former pastors, Dr. Lee McGlone, ends Mother’s Day recognitions by asking all who have mothers stand up. This gets the whole congregation standing and (usually) helps relieve some of the tension by getting a laugh.
6.   Create opportunities for those who have lost their mothers or children, or who cannot be with their mothers. One year I was throwing a pity party for myself about the upcoming Mother’s Day service, and my college church “adopted Dad” told me to suck it up, realize I wasn’t the only one hurting and minister to someone else who was as well. I wouldn’t recommend telling your congregants that, but Mother’s Day does allow for some unique ministry possibilities.
7.  Be especially aware of those who might be hurting. As a minister (or a lay person) this can be a good opportunity to minister. Pay special attention to those who have lost mothers or children in the past year. Try to send them a note or give them a phone call to encourage them through this difficult time.
8. Watch your sermon topic! I’ve heard, or heard about, many sermons that have been preached solely on motherhood. While this is a valuable topic, it’s not applicable to many of your congregants. You also have to be careful to avoid creating a picturesque version of a family that will be impossible for many of your congregants to live up to. It’s good to preach on families, or women in the Bible, but be intentional about what you say and how you say it. (See #2!)
9. Avoid Mother’s Day themed services. You can still acknowledge and celebrate Mother’s Day without it becoming the whole focal point of the message. This will help deal with many of the other points I’ve made about being inclusive and intentional.
10. Celebrate! I know much of what I have said seems negative, but you can reframe Mother’s Day as a time of celebration in Christ. Discussions of God as our creator are typically confined to Father’s Day, but there’s no reason why we can’t do so on Mother’s Day as well. Just as our mothers gave us life, so the creator of life itself is God.

My church college ministry "adopted mom," Jeanie.

I don’t hate Mother’s Day. In fact, I use it as a time of remembrance and rejoicing of the time I had with my mother. It has also become a celebration of all the mother figures I have had in my life. Although I only had my mom for 8 years, God has provided many women that have been godly role models and have ministered to me through the years. Perhaps the most influential of these being my college church ministry "adopted Mom." That being said, I feel we need to be more deliberate about how we celebrate Mother’s Day in our churches. This Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, try to be inclusive and intentional in word and action in order to reach out to all in your congregations. 

Stinky Feet

“Make sure you clean your feet before you come, we don’t want to be washing any nasty feet!” The pastor half-joked with his congregation the Sunday before their Maundy Thursday Foot-Washing Service. It’s true though if you think about it, we all want to avoid that one person with notoriously bad smelling feet. We wait in our seats to make sure we are not even near them in line. Sometimes we avoid the service all together because we fear what others might think of our own cracked toe nail polish, or unwashed feet. But the picture we are given in John stands in stark contrast to our own vulnerabilities.  The feet Jesus washed would not have so pretty. They would be covered in dirt mingled with the sweat from the day’s journey. The open sandals they wore would provide little relief from the stench. Yet, Jesus ignores all of this. Instead he responds in love, taking their filthy feet and washing them clean.  It’s a metaphor for Jesus’ entire life and ministry.  Ministering to the outsiders, the unclean. Even giving his life for us.


So often in churches today, we seem to feel we have to wash ourselves spiritually before we ever enter the door. We ask people to conform to our culture, our way of life, our dress and our speech. We ask them to put on a mask of purity to hide their inequities. We cover our scars and battered places with the newest makeups. We must be righteous to enter into the presence of God. Have we become the Pharisees, shutting out the very outsiders Jesus died to save? Have we forgotten that we are all filthy from our lives journeys and in need of forgiveness? Jesus does not call us to come before him whitewashed. Rather we are to come as we are. Covered in the dirt and sweat from a hard life’s journey. With all our doubt, fear and questioning. Showing our scars and battered limbs. We are to kneel before him and allow him to wash us clean.

This week I was blessed to attend the Maundy Thursday service at Calvary Baptist Church in Waco. To be perfectly honest I hoped it wouldn't be a foot-washing service. I wanted to go because I realize I hadn't participated in the Lord's Supper in a long time due to being gone a lot of Sundays from my church. I had an ache inside of me that needed to be filled. As the time for the foot-washing part of the service drew near I began to feel those insecurities well up inside me, but I made the choice to quell them and participate fully in what lay ahead. The small gathering of people sorted into two lines and each washed the feet of the person behind them. As my feet were washed by a dear friend of mine, and it became my turn to wash the feet of one of my closest Truett friends I began to realize the significance of what we were doing. We were serving each other as we were. No pretense involved. Accepting each other for the broken messes we were, and choosing to love each other anyway. To do so made taking the Lord's Supper meaningful in an entirely different light. I am just so thankful that Jesus and my fellow believers are able to accept me and my stinky feet.



“It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist.  After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him. He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”  “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”   Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”  “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!” Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.  When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am.  Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.  I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.  Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.  Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.” –John 13:1-17, NIV

Leaning on the Everlasting Arms

Truett Seminary at sunset

I was sitting outside in the ironically nicknamed "Inner Sanctum" courtyard at Truett this afternoon working on homework and trying to grab a few moments of quiet time before going home for the evening and quietly the chapel bell began to chime the hour. At first I paid little attention to this common occurrence but the I realized I was not hearing the normal chime. The bell tower was tolling the chorus from the old hymn " Leaning on the Everlasting Arms." This has been one of my favorite melodies for about as far back as I can remember. I recall sitting in the small rural church of my great-grandparents with the whole town (of 30 people in attendance). I would always joke with my great-grandad and "lean" on him whenever the chorus of the song came up. I felt safe in those times. I knew that I could lean on him to be there for me and that he would not let me fall. As I listened to the bell tolling today, I really began to ponder the words of the song, and listen to the message they proclaimed.

As the years have past there have been many people that I've leaned on. Mentors, teachers, fellow students and ministers have been a blessing to me and I could never repay the debt I owe them. Yet, they have all had one thing in common. At some point or another they have failed me. There came a point during which I could no longer lean upon them. At these times I felt alone, but I was not.Though all else failed God's presence remained.  I learned to lean on God and not in my own devices. It is all to easy to slip back into the old pattern and look first to a mentor or friend for advice, before seeking God's direction. Today was a welcome reminder to lean on God, and to seek him and his will before all else. I am safely nestled in the everlasting arms, and there I will remain.

"Leaning on the Everlasting Arms"

What a fellowship, what a joy divine,

Leaning on the everlasting arms;

What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,

Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Refrain

Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms;

Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.

O how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way,

Leaning on the everlasting arms;

O how bright the path grows from day to day,

Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Refrain

What have I to dread, what have I to fear,

Leaning on the everlasting arms;

I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,

Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Refrain

A Month in Photos: My job at Truett Seminary

Bless me bloggers for I have sinned, it's been nearly a month since I last posted. As penance I decided to share some photos from my job as the Truett student worker for graphic design and photography. These were taken at various lectures, and events over the past month. One of the upsides of my job is getting to know photograph some of the renown scholars that Truett brings in. I also enjoy really getting to know our quality faculty here, many of whom are known world-wide in their field. I'll try to weave in some story with all the photos. Beware...this could end up being a long post.

One of my favorite profs, Dr. Gregory during one of his sermons.

A few of those who have donated to Truett Seminary.

The mailout I did for the lecture series. 

Dr. Scot McKnight ponders a question.

A Baylor students looks on as Dr. Scot McKnight delivers a lecture.

I enjoy getting to "stalk" my fellow students for our various media outlets.

A fellow student (a co-worker in the Tech Department) films a chapel service.

The fun side of my job.

Pics of Milt and Janet

Feeling bored today so I shot a few pics of Milton and Janet. Frustrating to not have the right equipment, lighting or editing software, but it was still a lot of fun! 

Milt on top of the TV cabinet

Playing with the sticky note

The sticky describes this photo

Big Bouncy Ball

Not to sure about the camera

She popped the ball :(

Squirrel!

Squirrel?!?

Fetch I

Fetch II

Full of Joy!

What a happy puppy!

Inside?

Snacktime

Snacktime II

Buddies

New Beginnings

At lot has been happening for me in the past couple months. Hopefully things will start to slow down a little, and I'm going to try to write at least once a week to keep anyone who reads this up to date on what's going on.

Saturday I moved back to Texas to attend seminary. This week has been spent unpacking and trying to get the house in order. I decided not to post any pics until I get it done, but since I'm on a grad student's budget, its gonna be awhile before I can afford to get the little things that will really spruce the place up. Here are some basic pics of the living room and kitchen as they are right now.

A view of the Living/Dining Room from the front door.

The kitchen, view 1.

The kitchen, view 2.

The Living/Dining Room from the kitchen door.

The Living Room TV area.

Its not much to look at but it's home. Still looking for a roommate to help split the living expenses, but I know it's all gonna work out. Milt and Janet are really loving the new place. Janet has a decent backyard to run around in, and Milton has loved playing in all the empty boxes from moving. This has been an adjustment for all of us, but having Milt and Janet has made the transition much easier.

The decision to leave my old job was a tough call to make. The church I worked at is full of loving generous people with whom I have become good friends. They even took up an amazing love offering that helped pay for all the deposits on my new place and for my moving expenses as well as some school costs. I will miss them all dearly.

The toughest part of the move was leaving behind all my good friends and adopted family. I know that a part of growing up is leaving and meeting new people, but that doesn't make it any less painful to do so.

I'll post some pics and info on school in my next post. I need to go spend some time on campus with the camera.

The good news is I'll be working for my school as a graphic designer/publisher. It's an exciting opportunity, but will definitely be a challenge. The good news is I get to use their brand new Canon T3i camera and Mac computer with editing software! I'm super excited to see where this leads.

Blessings to all. Hopefully, you'll be hearing from me soon!

Catching Up

Wow...can't believe how long its been since I posted on here. I've spent all my spare time working on a website for my office. You can see it at http://www.fbcark.org/ if you're curious. Working on that has just completely burned me out computer work, but that's about to end. Now to catch up on what's been going on.

First, the new addition to the family. Meet Janet (new name needed!) the 1/2 black lab, 1/4 golden retriever, 1/4 boxer mix. I got her from a friend who has a several months old son who will begin walking soon. She's just a little to hyper to have around a toddler. She's super sweet and she and Milton have become the best of friends. She helps make my life easier, and has helped heal my heart in a time of some pretty intense family drama. I didn't pose any of the pictures, she's just really photogenic. There's not an evil bone in her body, though she did chew through the books of Job and Psalms from my preaching Bible....guess I can't do any studies from those books.


She loves tennis balls and rawhide chews!




Sweet Face




Buddies


In other news I am about to leave my church job in Arkansas to move back to Texas for grad school. I'm currently searching for a job, house, and car. Things are stressful but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. (Note: there will be a rant coming soon on Craigslist scam artists). I'm hoping to do better about blogging as I miss the communication with you wonderful people.

Meet Milton

I am officially done with undergrad classes! I recieved my Bachelor of Arts degree on Saturday (blog post/pictures coming soon), and now that I am out of campus housing I can share my beautiful cat with you all! I got Milton from the rescue shelter here in town in October, but had to hide him due to the campus housing restrictions. I named him Milton Hops Bryan after a favorite quote of mine; "Malt does more than Milton can/To justify God's ways to man." - A.E. Housman. Milt's been a great joy to have around the house this year, but he is definitley a handful. It's kinda like having an unruly 2-year old who needs constant attention. He is spoiled rotten, and is Mommy's Little Boy. I'm planning to post a series of "Milton's Misadventures" now that the cat is out of the bag (cheesy, I know! but I couldn't resist) as he carries out more of his hilarious hijinks. Enjoy the pics, and don't forget to watch the video!

Milt congratulating me on my graduation!

Milt with my former roomate

When I first got Milt there was absolutely no way I'd be able to hold him like this.
It's amazing to see how trusting and loving he's becoming.

Milt's favorite chair, my former favorite one.

All ready for the 2010 Christmas party

Favorite toy is a simple plastic cup with nothing in the bottom.

Authentic Cowgirl

This weekend I had the opportunity to travel back home and visit my Dad, H and S. We also got the news that Dad's biopsy came back clean, so that was a huge relief! One of S's favorite things to do is ride horses. A while back I posted about how envious I was of her skill. So, I decided I would go riding with her one afternoon to spend time doing what she does best. I proudly pulled on my boots, hat, and jeans and looked every inch the authentic cowgirl. I mean, I really looked the part. Then I strutted up to the barn, looking like I knew exactly what I was doing. S quickly handed me this huge stack of tack (riding equipment). Although I had saddled a horse before, it had been some time, and it quickly became obvious that I had absolutely no clue what I was doing. S quietly came over and fixed my mistaken jumble of straps without fanfare, for which I am grateful. So there I was, looking the part but completely oblivious, and there she was in jean shorts looking like a supermodel, but the master of her craft. Later it became even more evident that I didn't have a clue what I was doing when the horse took off with me and I nearly killed myself, but that's a story for another post!

My crazy mind started thinking about how sometimes that's how we go through life. Looking the part, but not really living it. I used this as a Bible Study topic last night, about how many people claim to be religious but don't really "walk the walk," but rather just "talk the talk." It can apply to so much else though. Are we really letting our true selves out around others, or do we have a different personality for each different group we encounter? I know I'm guilty of having one persona at school, and another outside of it (but that is partly of necessity because my school is extremely strict). Wouldn't the world be a better place if we could all just be ourselves?

Just bored at work, so my mind is just ruminating on all sorts of crazy stuff. Hope you're doing great!

Some Days

I'm really working on being more positive. On looking for the silver lining, and putting my best foot forward. But some days it catches up with you. I'm getting ready to graduate in May with my BA degree, and just really wishing my Mom could be here for the ceremony. Dad had a prostate biopsy on Thursday, and we're waiting for Friday to see what the results hold. I'm not sure if I should wish for it to be all clear, or if I hope they find something we can fix that will cure his health problems. And to top it all of, there's a guy I like and who I think likes me back and I would just really love to be able to pick up the phone and call my mom to talk about it. Most days I just think about her as a passing thought with a smile, but today I just really wish I could get a hug from her and a listening ear. I'm surrounded by so many loving people, and my "adopted" Mom is really amazing, but it's just not the same.

Sorry for the depressing post, but I just needed to get it off my mind. My best friend and I are about to go to dinner and bowling, and I want to be in a better mood for him (wink).

So do me a favor, give your mom a hug if your able, or at least a phone call. Tell her you love her and that you're grateful for all she's done. Moms are such a big part of our lives, and sometimes we don't realize just how much so until its too late.

On Forgiveness

Had a lot on my mind and couldn't go our for a run due to an impeneding thunderstorm and I hadn't written in a while so I thought I'd sit down and see what happened. This is something I wrote and edited a little, but I kinda like it as is, raw and unpolished. The photos were taken by my H last time we were together (Thanksgiving I believe?). Let me know what'cha think! I want your honest opinions because the only way to get better is to learn. Enjoy!

On Forgiveness
Forgiveness is tough. Messy.
It goes against the grain of human nature.
To deny that primal need for revenge.
To not seek retribution,
Or hold a silent grudge.
To set aside the oft considered right of justice.

To forgive does not mean to forget.
Nothing can erase the offense from memory.
It will always be there,
Haunting my mind.
Plaguing my dreams.
But it does not control my life.


To forgive is not easy.
It takes time. Work.
It often brings pain before relief.
It is not a solitary act,
But an ongoing process,
A daily choice.

To forgive is liberating.
It frees my heart from strangling anger,
And piercing hate.
It loosens the bonds of animosity,
Restores peace,
And quiets my soul.

To forgive is necessary.
To let go, essential.
I am no righteous judge,
And justice is not mine to seek.
Instead I choose forgiveness.
And with forgiveness comes life.

CORE Classes

First, the obligatory apology. So sorry I haven't posted or really even commented in over a month and a half. My computer gave out on me during finals week last semester and I wasn't able to replace it until the first week of this semester. This forced absence, as well as some other stuff going on has just got me out of sync with the blogosphere. But I am back! And I will do better about writing...maybe?

So here I sit in my life science class...the one class I lack for graduation. All I need to do to graduate is pass this one class. And my motivation for actually trying in this class is completely gone. I wonder when in my future I'll actually need to know that a chloroplast is what makes a plant green, and converts sunlight into glucose. I just don't foresee needing that in my chosen career path. I see the need for CORE classes, but sometimes the professor can take them a little to seriously. We actually had a formal debate in class yesterday over genetically modified foods. All we really learned was that there is little actual evidence for both sides. I wish these professors would realize we really don't care about that subject and not give us all the busy-work.

On another note, since I'm not listening to the prof anyway, I had another triad of Murphy's Law the last week and a half. Water Heater broke, Credit Card got stolen (thus my bank account was put on hold), and now my car has died. The first two were resolved relatively painlessly, but it looks like I'll be walking everywhere for awhile. Not a big deal since I really need to lose some weight and exercise, but it is a little bit of a pain. It's going to be awhile before I can get a new vehicle, but at least the weather has been great and I'll probably be able to hitch rides to the grocery store with the adopted fam.

OH! I think I've found a time to write on Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays! Maybe Life Science isn't very exciting, but it can provide an hour to get some writing done :)

Forever Friends

My Christmas Adventures:

It's been a pretty tough past couple of weeks. Seems like everything I've touched has broken. My car broke down when I drove home for Thanksgiving, then was broken into after I got back to school and my GPS and a backpack full of notes and books were stolen. Then during finals week my computer died. The operating system just completely shut down and all I got was a blank screen with a cursed cursor blinking at the top (thank you PC). I ended up taking less than adequate grades in several classes because all my research for final papers/projects was on my computer. And a bunch of other smaller things just went wrong.

So, I didn't start the holiday season in much of a good mood. And on top of that the holidays have never been a favorite time of the year for my family. Dad always gets depressed because he misses Mom, and he can never buy us presents as money is tight this time of year. H has a birthday right before Christmas, and hates that it always gets forgotten in the rush of the season. S is pretty much ambivalent about it all.

And then there's me. I love Christmas. I always have. While some folks think about all the stuff they won't get, or all the stuff that's gone wrong the past year, I tend to look at all the good stuff happening. I love how people are just nicer at Christmas. All over the world people are celebrating some sort of holiday season. We all celebrate time with family, friends, and the blessings of the year though we do it through the eyes of many cultures and religions. There's just something special about knowing that all over the world people are celebrating together.

This year it was extremely hard for me to get into the Christmas spirit. I've had some disagreements with some folks in my family, and I didn't really want to face them again until the wounds had started to heal. Because I work at a church I ended up spending the holiday break at my apartment instead of home with the family. They ended up coming to visit the grandparents so I did get to spend Christmas day with them. It took until Christmas Eve for me to really get into the spirit of the season. I worked at our church's Christmas Eve service, and after I went over to join my "second family" because it was too late for me to drive to where my Dad and sisters were. TC and JC have a Christmas Eve dinner with all of their family over (who I know through church and other outlets) and I just had an amazing time. For some reason it hit me that even though this year, and particularly this semester, have been incredibly hard I have been surrounded by people who love and care about me. Just to know there are people I can turn to when I'm having a tough day has been the biggest blessing of this year.  I simply sat and took it all in, realizing this was what I loved about Christmas, spending time with those I loved (whether related by blood or not). These people are my family, and I love them dearly. I have many people here in my home-away-from-home that have taken care of me through this past troubling couple of months, and I can never tell them how much they mean to me. Realizing that was probably the best gift I received this Christmas.

"Sometimes in life, you find a special friend. Someone who changes your life just by being a part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop. Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is forever friendship. When you're down and the world seems dark and empty, your forever friend lifts you up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full. Your forever friend gets you through the hard times, the sad times and the confused times. If you turn and walk away, your forever friend follows. If you lose your way, your forever friend guides you and cheers you on. Your forever friend holds your hand and tells you that everything is going to be okay. And if you find such a friend, you feel happy and complete because you need not worry. You have a forever friend, and forever has no end." 
---Unknown