It All Comes Down to Faith

I feel as though I’m at the point in my life where I’ll make the decisions which will shape what I’m going to do from here on; where I go, what I study, where I work, what I believe. I know this isn’t true, but I feel as through the weight of my entire life is pressing on my shoulders. I say that I trust in God, but do I really rely on him enough to trust Him with my life…my one life. This is it, there are no do-overs, no mulligans. Can I really give everything over to Him? Am I ready to make it His life instead of mine? Many times in the past I’ve “given it all over to God,” and said that I’d do what He wanted and Go where He called, but was it real? Did I really realize what I was saying and doing? This means giving up everything, every expectation I have for life in order to accept the life God has for me. However, that path looks to be full of trials and temptations. Full of dangers and oppression unknowable to mankind. But, it also promises to be under the watchful eye of my Lord. By resting in Him I can be blessed beyond measure. I can trust that even though I may not see the way through, God can and His hand is guiding me. His plan is in place, and the whole cosmos bows before it. The evil and despair must be faced to see the blessing of hope and peace in the end. Though my faith in Christ may guarantee my eternal resting place, I have to believe there is more to it than that. God didn’t just reveal Himself to me for one decision and then turn mo loose to live life on my own. He called me into an eternal relationship with Him. A relationship in which I have to work. I have to choose to follow God. I have to dedicate my whole life to Him. I must endeavor to make my goals and purposes one with His. Above all I must love Him. As my Father, He shows more love to me in a single moment than I could show to Him in all of eternity. He looks past my faults and loves me for who I am. The broken, wounded sinner I am. If He is willing to do that, surely I can lay down my life for Him. Surely I can trust Him to know what’s best for me. But can I do do it? Can I give up my life for Christ?

I’ve come to a place where all I have ever believed has been called into question. The days of childhood innocence are gone. The Sunday School answers are no longer enough. Where do I go from here? In whom do I rely? The answer is staring me right in the face. My Lord. Through I may be uncertain as to the details of His plan and His calling, I can trust in His grace. Although I can’t discern His Word, I can follow His Spirit. When academia fails, the Spirit conquers. I can rely on God’s presence in my future as I have seen it in my past. Though I may doubt my theological followings I can remain firm in my relationship. I can stand strong in the knowledge of Christ and His love. I can learn to question constructively, to use my doubt to grow. Through my doubt can come faith. By looking beyond the surface I can gain a deeper relationship with my God. Mentors have helped lead me down a path of questioning and contemplation that has broken down my carefully constructed theological walls. They have torn apart my beliefs. They have left me scared and doubtful. Then they helped me build a relationship. No longer am I a child blindly following the faith and beliefs of others. I have been torn apart and put back together again. No more the innocent babe, but now the powerful warrior. I have found a renewed passion and zeal for my God and for life itself. I no longer have all the answers. In fact, my questions seem to grow bigger each day, but so does my faith. It all comes down to faith.