Apologies again for not having posted or visited blogs in so long. The past couple of weeks have just been a bit of a blur, and I haven't had much time for thinking, much less writing and reading. Things should calm down a bit, and I'm going to try to catch up with what everyone's posted lately.
Just feeling plain lonely tonight. Wishing I had a significant other to curl up on the couch with. Someone I could come home to, and talk about my day and theirs. Wishful thinking on my part. I really do love living alone, but sometimes I just really long for someone to share my life with. I've always been a farily independent person, but lately it just hasn't been enough. My life is full of good friends, family, and adopted family, but it's still not complete. My best friend (who I also fell head-over-heels for but alas it is unrequited) is in the Navy SEAL training program, and, though we text every day, it's just not the same. Our conversations mostly center on me reassuring him that he'll make it through, and doing the job that his girlfriend would normally do, but for some reason doesn't. We had a dtr (define-the-relationship) discussion before he left and decided that we were just meant to be friends, but it feels like I'm putting the kind of work into our friendship that I would be putting into a relationship. It's just made me really ache for someone to be there for me in the same way I'm there for him. And it really sucks to love someone, really love them for who they are, and not have it returned in the same way. I see all the other students my age getting married, buying houses, and even having kids, and it just makes me realize what I'm missing. I know that at the right time the right guy will come along, but so help me I want that time to be now.
I've always been independent and on my own, but for that past couple weeks I've caught myself double-checking the door at night to make sure it was locked, and other things that have never bothered me before. I'm glad all my college friends will be returning soon from summer break, and I've really enjoyed the extra time I've gotten to spend with my adopted family and other friends this summer. Tonight I was feeling so lonely I emailed my "Mom and Dad" and ended up just going over to their house for a while and hanging out with them and loving on their marvelous dog, Beau. An offhanded comment today made by a friend made me really miss my Mom and my family back home, and since I can't be with them, I was so grateful for my adopted family and their open arms. Sometimes I just want someone to hold me and tell me it's all going to be okay. I know I'm not alone, but some days it just really feels like it...
Update: In one of my "recent" posts I talked of trying to decide whether or not to stay at college for the full 4 years or graduate early. I went ahead and decided to stay, and am really happy and at peace with my decision. Thanks for all the wonderful words of wisdom :)
I kind of know what you mean. I may have a boyfriend that I can cuddle up to at night but I still feel like there is something missing in my life like a part of me is missing. Everyone that I know has either gotten married or had a baby or is getting ready to have a baby.I think for me I am kind of happy with the way that my life is going right now. I still wish that I could have more but I have more than some others have in the world right now so I am happy. I just try to take life one part at a time. It rushes by so fast so I try not to rush it. Don't feel lonely. I know it is not the same but you have got friends and your family so don't feel lonely. Like I said Life goes by all to fast so my advice for you would be to take it one step at a time.
ReplyDeleteAlso When you get the chance you should look at the post that I posted called The Wild Life. You should watch that video. It is a sad video but I know for me it make me appreaciate my pets more and animals more
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