Yesterday I preached my first sermon. Normally writing on this blog is a welcome respite from the constant theological discourses ruminating in my mind, but I just have to write about what happened. To set the stage a bit here's a little background info on my job at the church. I'm an administrative assistant (pretty much a glorified secretary), but I'm also the pastor's intern. In April of this year my church voted to license me as a minister. This isn't the same as being ordained, but is kinda like a first step in that direction and enables me to preach in the church. Bro. L had talked to me about filling in for him on some Wednesday night Bible Studies, but I had kept putting it off, secretly hoping the day would never come. Bro. L was feeling a little overwhelmed this week, so Tuesday I called him and offered to fill in for him. I must admit I was hoping he'd be touched by the gesture, but decline. Well he didn't. The relief in his voice when he asked if I was sure I could cover for him told me I was doing the right thing. I had some Bible studies I'd done for various theology classes so I figured I could whip something up pretty quickly. Boy was I wrong. The second I started thinking about Wednesday night I started getting nervous. And not the good nervous, but butterflies-in-the-stomach-gut-wrenching-no-sleep-the-night-before type anxious. Because of this I decided to use Philippians 4:6-7 as my text, which is all about not being anxious but relying on God. Tuesday night I still was having a lot of trouble coming up with good stories and illustrations, though I had a pretty good idea of what direction I wanted to go. So, as I normally do when I'm worried about something, I went for a walk. As I walked the image of carrying a backpack full of rocks came to mind. It was though, with each worry someone was adding another rock to my backpack. My step was getting heavier, my body tired, my soul more and more troubled. Then I reflected on the verses I was preaching on and it hit me that even though I was carrying such a heavy backpack of worries, I wasn't doing it alone. Or at least I didn't have to be. Inspiration struck and I ran home to the computer, punched out an outline, and continued to tweak it until about 30 minutes before the service started. All day Wednesday I was still pretty nervous though. I've realized it's not speaking in front of people that makes me anxious, it's using a microphone. Not sure why, but that's how it is. Anyway, TC had been helping me look over my outline for any glaring errors and had also been giving me encouragement and attempting to quell my nerves. He told me before his first couple times in a courtroom (he's a lawyer) he was so violently ill that he could barely leave the restroom. As this was my first time preaching, I could definitely relate to that feeling. TC also said something I think is very profound. I've changed the wording around a bit, but the sentiment is the same. He said, "Just be yourself. Don't try to be some famous theologian, because you're not. Be who God made you to be - no one else." That did it. I realized I had been trying to live up to my preacher, trying to instill some sort of amazing theological insight into the minds of the congregation, but that wasn't me at all. That was really what got me through it without being so anxious I tossed my cookies. I printed the quote in LARGE font across the top of my notes and whenever I felt myself getting nervous I just looked at those words and it was okay. I made it through the service with a fairly even voice, and all the reactions seemed to be positive. There were only about 15 folks there, all of whom I knew, and they all had smiles on their faces after it was over. Though the brevity of my comments probably had something to do with it. I found something strange though. I haven't felt peace about my future, and some other things in my life, in a long time, but when I was speaking it felt as if I was in exactly the right place. Right where God wanted me to be. Right where I wanted to be. I loved being able to be an encouragement and a help to others, and I hope I get the chance to speak again soon.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Just be you!
Yesterday I preached my first sermon. Normally writing on this blog is a welcome respite from the constant theological discourses ruminating in my mind, but I just have to write about what happened. To set the stage a bit here's a little background info on my job at the church. I'm an administrative assistant (pretty much a glorified secretary), but I'm also the pastor's intern. In April of this year my church voted to license me as a minister. This isn't the same as being ordained, but is kinda like a first step in that direction and enables me to preach in the church. Bro. L had talked to me about filling in for him on some Wednesday night Bible Studies, but I had kept putting it off, secretly hoping the day would never come. Bro. L was feeling a little overwhelmed this week, so Tuesday I called him and offered to fill in for him. I must admit I was hoping he'd be touched by the gesture, but decline. Well he didn't. The relief in his voice when he asked if I was sure I could cover for him told me I was doing the right thing. I had some Bible studies I'd done for various theology classes so I figured I could whip something up pretty quickly. Boy was I wrong. The second I started thinking about Wednesday night I started getting nervous. And not the good nervous, but butterflies-in-the-stomach-gut-wrenching-no-sleep-the-night-before type anxious. Because of this I decided to use Philippians 4:6-7 as my text, which is all about not being anxious but relying on God. Tuesday night I still was having a lot of trouble coming up with good stories and illustrations, though I had a pretty good idea of what direction I wanted to go. So, as I normally do when I'm worried about something, I went for a walk. As I walked the image of carrying a backpack full of rocks came to mind. It was though, with each worry someone was adding another rock to my backpack. My step was getting heavier, my body tired, my soul more and more troubled. Then I reflected on the verses I was preaching on and it hit me that even though I was carrying such a heavy backpack of worries, I wasn't doing it alone. Or at least I didn't have to be. Inspiration struck and I ran home to the computer, punched out an outline, and continued to tweak it until about 30 minutes before the service started. All day Wednesday I was still pretty nervous though. I've realized it's not speaking in front of people that makes me anxious, it's using a microphone. Not sure why, but that's how it is. Anyway, TC had been helping me look over my outline for any glaring errors and had also been giving me encouragement and attempting to quell my nerves. He told me before his first couple times in a courtroom (he's a lawyer) he was so violently ill that he could barely leave the restroom. As this was my first time preaching, I could definitely relate to that feeling. TC also said something I think is very profound. I've changed the wording around a bit, but the sentiment is the same. He said, "Just be yourself. Don't try to be some famous theologian, because you're not. Be who God made you to be - no one else." That did it. I realized I had been trying to live up to my preacher, trying to instill some sort of amazing theological insight into the minds of the congregation, but that wasn't me at all. That was really what got me through it without being so anxious I tossed my cookies. I printed the quote in LARGE font across the top of my notes and whenever I felt myself getting nervous I just looked at those words and it was okay. I made it through the service with a fairly even voice, and all the reactions seemed to be positive. There were only about 15 folks there, all of whom I knew, and they all had smiles on their faces after it was over. Though the brevity of my comments probably had something to do with it. I found something strange though. I haven't felt peace about my future, and some other things in my life, in a long time, but when I was speaking it felt as if I was in exactly the right place. Right where God wanted me to be. Right where I wanted to be. I loved being able to be an encouragement and a help to others, and I hope I get the chance to speak again soon.
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That is great that you took over for him. My grandfather has read that scripture to me(sorry about the spelling)Anyways he has read that scripture to me and Yes it is a great thing. I bet you did great I think that sometimes fear is all in our heads. There is a quote that I like to go by when I start to doubt myself "The only thing we have to fear is fear it's self" I love that one.. Anyways great post.
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