My Funeral

Don't worry, I'm not not suicidal or depressed, just being pensive and cerebral. Monday, I helped with the funeral of one of the older ladies in our church. She wasn't someone I knew personally, but the service touched me. Part of the service was a video remembrance, which portrayed her life through photos. My mind began to wander, as it frequently does, and I found myself ruminating on my own funeral. Now, I hope that it's a long time in coming, but if something were to happen to me today, what would my funeral be like? How would I be remembered? What pictures would they use to show my life? A year ago I would have spouted off the typical Christian mantra of wanting to be remembered for putting my faith before all else, but today I'm not so sure. One thing I do know is I'd like to be remembered with laughter. Preferably not directed straight at me, but if so that's okay as well. I love going to memorial services where people have smiles on their faces, because they have such good memories of the deceased. I would want people to remember all the practical jokes I played, and had played upon me, all the frivolous fun days spent with roommates, carefree days spent with Max just lounging around. I'd love to see what photos they'd pick to show. I've changed a lot from the blond haired kid in this picture! I suppose they could use photos I've taken through the years, as well as all the goofy one friends have taken of me, but I'd want it set to some sort of upbeat happy music. A friend suggested, "Who Let The Dogs Out," but I think I'd probably choose some sort of Christian Rock song for myself. It'd be interesting to put together my own video memorial. I may do that as a random project some day...Most of all I guess I'd want to be remembered as a good friend. My name comes from the traditional Hebrew, Ruth, which means "beautiful friend." I've always taken this to mean beautiful not in physical beauty but inner beauty. Someone who was always there for her friends, ready to do whatever was needed to help them out. This is something I've strived for in life, and hope to be remembered for. My faith is still very important to me, but in a different way. I'd like to be thought of as not being judgemental towards other people's beliefs. As far as I'm concerned, we all have the right to believe what we feel is right, and shouldn't try to force our views on someone else. I want folks to look at me as personally living out what I think is right, being considerate of others beliefs, and being a blessing towards others instead of a hindrance. My hope is that my family would remember me for how much I've loved them, no matter what our differences might have been through the years. They are the most important people in the world to me. You know, it's interesting to ponder one's own identity. Really. I have found myself ruminating on the thought, "What is the meaning of my life?" "What difference am I making?" There are so many questions in this life that have no answers, so many endless paths our minds can wander down that I wonder if I'll ever be able to find the answers I seek. Still, I think it's the journey that matters most. My lasting contribution will probably not be any one significant thing I do, but the way I live my life. Meaning that not to sound arrogant, but just to say most of us will likely never do something huge that will make people stand up and take notice of us, but we can make a difference to those around us we encounter every day. I would imagine at my funeral there would be folks that I didn't know that well, but I touched in some way with a small gesture here or there. That's something I would consider to be a triumph in my life. To make a difference everyday for the better. To live life as a journey, not as a destination. Inevitably, the journey will come to an end, but I'm not going to live my life focused on that. I'm going to look around me at this moment and see what kind of difference I can make today.

Side Note: I found out today that Wednesday night I'll be leading the evening service at our church. Our pastor is kinda overwhelmed at the moment, so I volunteered to do it for him. This is a big deal for me because it'll be the first "grown-up" service I've led on my own since being licensed as a minister, and I'm kinda anxious about it (which is ironic because my topic is not being anxious!). Please send up good thoughts or prayers, whichever is your style, for me.